In too deep
by HPAbinator
Summary: Sirius and Anna are in a no strings attached friends with benefits relationship. What happens when Sirius tries to comfort an upset Anna, not realizing that she's upset because she's deeply in love with him, and has been from the start.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own any of the characters you are familiar with, nor the world of harry potter which belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.

This is just a random one-shot that I thought of I might add a few more chapters, review let me know if you want me to!

Anna was in too deep, she knew she would be. She was so stupid.

She loved him, and she knew it. She knew it from the beginning. Before their little "arrangement", before their no strings attached liaisons in the middle of the night. She knew it deep down, but she ignored it. She knew full well the consequences of entering such an agreement with Sirius Black. She thought she could handle being intimate with no romantic feelings, even though she knew she knew she already had romantic feelings for him, feelings that were too strong. Yet she ignored it, she knew nothing could come of them, she knew he would never feel the same, they came from completely different worlds.

All she was to him was a fuck buddy, she thought with dismay, nothing more, nothing less. A person he could use whenever he wanted. Yet he was still kind to her, he never made her feel like he was using her( even though she felt that was all it was). He was still respectful and sweet to her during their passionate rendezvous. He never ran off directly afterwards, he stayed usually stayed for while, sometimes for a few minutes, or hours. Those moments that he spent with her, lying together, completely bare, in peaceful bliss were the ones she treasured most. It didn't occur to her that he enjoyed it as much as she did. She wasn't sure why he stayed. She assumed he did it for her sake, either way, she was happy he did.

Anna knew full well he would never feel as deeply for her, as she felt for him. Thats why she agreed. She thought, if she couldn't really have him, she could at least pretend she was his. Even if it was for a short while, even if it wasn't real, in her mind she could pretend it's real. She could pretend his caresses and his strokes were loving, and not just part of the act. She knew it was pathetic, but she couldn't help it. She thought she would be content with that, but she was wrong. She was so very wrong, she wanted more. She underestimated love, she underestimated her ability to ignore it, to conceal it. She thought she would be fine dealing with unrequited love. At first she was fine, acting like she didn't know him, not acknowledging him, then later when no one was around he would grab her wrist, kiss her, and pull her into some empty room. It was exciting, it was passionate and romantic. Now, she couldn't ignore the pangs of pain when she saw him with other girls, and that feeling of sorrow when he didn't awkowledge her whenever they were in public amongst their fellow Gryffindors.

After seeing him sitting in the front row, flirting with some Hufflepuff girl, the harsh reality of the situation really hit her. He never gave her a moments thought when they weren't together, yet he was all that she could think about. She retired to her bed early that day, the girls dormitory was empty, her fellow Gryffindors were out celebrating Gryffindor's recent quidditch victory. Sirius was among them of course, he was on the team. They were all out having fun, while she sat in her bed her arms wrapped around her legs,silently sobbing. "I'm so pathetic", Anna thought. She sobbed harder and buried her head in her knees.

There was a slight knock on the door, Anna stopped sobbing a stayed quiet, listening. The door opened, and someone stepped inside, she could not see them because her curtains were drawn shut. She remained silent, not wanting to reveal that she was there. To give the illusion of an empty room. Then she heard a deep male voice, "Anna?" , her heart dropped, it was Sirius,"Are you here?". Ironically he was the last and the only person she wanted to see at the moment, but she wanted to be left alone so she didn't reply. There was brief silence, he broke the silence, " Lily told me you were up here…" he said, she heard his footsteps approaching her bed.

"Anna?", he said again, and gently drew back a section of the curtain. Revealing Anna, resting her head on her knees, staring blankly at the foot of her bed, her eyes were red, she had been crying. She couldn't look at him, she resisted the urge to look up into in gorgeous gray eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?", he asked. She could hear genuine concern in his voice. He placed his arm around her shoulder, with out thinking she wiggled out from under his arm, and buried her head in her knees. He was slightly taken aback. She immediately felt guilty for doing that, she couldn't be harsh to him, it wasn't his fault. She sobbed slightly. He hesitantly placed his hand on her back and stroked it, she welcomed it. She liked it when he rubbed her back, she suspected he knew this. This would have actually been calming, had he not been the reason she was upset to begin with.

" Missed you at the party", he said. She closed her eyes a took a deep breath fighting back the tears threatening burst out. " He was looking for me?" she thought, she felt happy for a short moment, before she realized he was probably only looking for her for sex, after all that's all their relationship had been so far why should it change now? He continued stroking her back, with those hands that she loved so much. She couldn't take this, a minute more of this and she felt she wouldn't be able to hold back, she would let slip how deeply she truly felt for him. She slowly lifted her head,she still refused to look at him, she looked down at her feet. "Um, Sirius, if you don't mind, I just want to be alone" she said as politely as possible.

Sirius looked at her, she wore an expression of helplessness, and sorrow, just plain sorrow. It was sad for him to see her like this, she's such a sweet girl, she's so nice, and polite, and quiet, she wouldn't hurt a fly. In his eyes, she didn't deserve this. This is why he couldn't bring himself to treat her like he treated other girls, when it came to her, he didn't want to be anything but gentle, he rather liked it, it was different. Who would do something to her to make her feel like this? Sirius felt hate for whoever it was, not realizing it was he who was causing her this pain. Still he couldn't leave her alone like this, "Are you sure?, I'll stay with you, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, I can just be here…" She laughed slightly,looked up at him and smiled at him. She had to touch him she couldn't resist, she brushed away a lock of hair falling on his forehead. Her smile slightly faded, but not completely, "It's okay, really", he still looked unconvinced. She feigned a reassuring smile, he could tell it was fake "Really, go, the party won't be the same without all the members of the Gryffindor team" she added the best laugh she could muster at the end. She did feel slightly better, that was very sweet of him to offer to stay with her. He didn't want to push her, so he asked, "You're sure?, I don't want to leave you like this…".

She didn't respond, she saw his expression change, it was like he was fighting the urge to say somethings. Sirius couldn't hold back anymore. "Anna, who did this?".The small smile she held on her face instantly disappeared. She tried to make a composed face, he noticed, "Did what?" she asked innocently. "Whoever made you upset" he replied.

She looked away from him, and back at her feet. She wasn't going to tell him, but he knew what was bothering her. It was a guy, most definitely. He had seen this many times from the girls who's hearts he'd carelessly broken. Some jerk broke her heart, he felt even angrier, why would she let someone do this to her? Anyone who would refuse her would have to be crazy, surely she knew that? "Who is he?" he demanded in a rougher tone than he usually used with her. She looked at him, slightly startled, "It's no one, Sirius, no one", she looked back at her feet. She was lying to him, he could tell. He turned her towards him forcing her to look at him, "who did this?". She wiggled out of his grasp," I told you!, no one!". She looked away again, averting his gaze.

After a long pause, he sighed, what was he doing? She never intruded in his love life, she never demanded to know who he was seeing, or anything. She just kept to the one unspoken no strings attached rule that they had. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business, I shouldn't have intruded…", he stood up and turned to leave, he hadn't taken a step when she said, "No, it's okay, it was really sweet of you", in faint whisper, almost inaudible, but definitely meant for him to hear. He looked back at her an met her eyes, she only held his gaze for a moment, then quickly looked away. In that moment he saw something in her eyes…he wasn't sure what… but it was something. "Good Night, Sirius", she said staring at her feet. Sirius stared at her, his eyebrows furrowed. He sat on the side of her bed, her breath hitched, she feared she may have given herself away, did she just see a dash of realization in his eyes? Did he figure it out?

He leaned foreword and gently turned her head towards his. He looked into her eyes, she was still avoiding his gaze, and looked at his lips instead, he could see a muted glint of fear in her eyes. Could it be? Could he be the one causing her such pain? She knew he was studying her, she wasn't giving anymore away. She boldly looked up into his eyes and met his gaze, then gave him a small peck on the lips. He stared at her face again for an instant, trying to read her expression, but by now she was successfully composing herself. He gave her a small friendly smile, "good night, then". As he walked away from her bed, he heard her draw the curtains. He looked back at her bed before he closed the door behind him.

Hey everyone, so I might continue and add a few more chapters before and after this chapter. Please review and let me know if you want me to continue!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Guys!

Sorry for the late update, I've been really busy.

Enjoy!

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Sirius collapsed on top of Anna, panting against her shoulder. She lay beneath him, her eyes closed, her chest heaving, trying to recapture the breath she lost in their heated lovemaking. He lifted his head and looked down at his lover.

He couldn't help but smile. Her eyes were still closed, her face was flustered, and her soft raven hair was fanned out over his pillow. His eyes wandered down to her parted lips, he brushed her bottom lip with his thumb. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, still panting. He smiled at her. She smiled back, he knelt down and captured her lips.

She loved it when he looked at her that way. That look ignited a strong feeling in her, a feeling a pure adoration; she could only describe it as love.

Her heart sank, remembering that this was all pretend, this wasn't real…at least to him it wasn't.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, he rolled off of her and settled into the bed with a big sigh. She remained where she was, unable to move, staring at the ceiling. He placed an arm behind his head, feeling content and satisfied. The type of feeling only she could bring him, he thought with a smile.

His smile faded when he realized she hadn't moved. Normally she moves with him as he rolls of her, and rests on his chest, never loosing contact. Something was wrong. Turning his head, he gazed at her. She laid still, her face slightly angled towards him, her eyes closed.

He propped himself up on his elbow, and tenderly stroked her hair. She opened her eyes and looked up to see Sirius peering down at her, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

She smiled, her fake smile. The same fake smile she gave him the night of the quidditch match, he noted.

"I'm fine", she replied. He looked unconvinced; she smiled reassuringly, and gently pushed him back into his original position on the bed, this time sinking into the bed with him. She laid her head on his shoulder and draped an arm around him, hoping this action would make his worry disappear. She couldn't tell him what was wrong, she just couldn't.

The action came off as forced to him, it was the same thing she usually did, yet it was different… it lacked its usual fluidity and ease. This didn't make him feel any better. He wrapped an arm around her, and rubbed her back. He felt her body start to relax.

She brought a hand up to his head, and stroked his hair. Gently grabbing locks of his hair, and tenderly twirling her finger around them. Sirius closed his eyes at the feel of her fingers on his scalp. He loved it when she did that, he had a hunch that she knew.

She was such a generous lover; her desire to please him was as strong as his to please her. It was never like this with any of the other girls, she knew exactly what he wanted, what he needed, and always did what she could to deliver. He wished he knew what was bothering her. It had been, a week since he found her in her bed, alone and crying. He regretted not doing anything, but he didn't want to push her. He just wanted her pain to go away, to leave them alone in their sanctuary behind the curtains of his bed, away from the world. They lay there in silence. Normally it was a peaceful silence, but now it made him even more agitated.

"You would tell me if you weren't okay… wouldn't you?", he asked.

She shut her eyes as a pang of guilt spread through her body, she shouldn't have betrayed her emotions to him, she shouldn't have made him feel uneasy.

His question was met with silence.

"Anna, I know this is supposed to be casual, but I do care about you…" , he felt her body tense slightly. He continued to rub her back reassuringly. " You are… a dear friend to me, and I'm worried about you."

She raised her head, brought her face to his, and kissed him. She lightly grazed his chin with her thumb, "I'm okay, really" she said, and gave him the best reassuring smile she could muster. He smiled back, and stroked her hair and she settled back onto his chest. He decided not to push it further…for now.

_**Friend**__, _the word resonated in her head, mocking her. She had actually been foolish enough to think he was about to tell her he loved her too.

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